i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
