this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
