i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
