i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
