I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
