I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
