Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
