are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
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