R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
