I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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