ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
