we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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