Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
