the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
