He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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