Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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