Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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