Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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