An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
