I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
