Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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