I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
