Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im holly from the hills drunk
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
