So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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