This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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