uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
