can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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