I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
