What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
