I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
