he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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