There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
