When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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