just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
