Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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