I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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