I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
