Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
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