Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
