matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
