I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
