Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
