Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im holly from the hills drunk
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
