A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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