I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
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Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
my liver is dry heaving
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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