Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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