hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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