Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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