Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize