The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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