I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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