Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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