I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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