I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
