Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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