Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
