i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
