Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
