addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
