What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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