How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
