I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
