Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize