I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
