she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
