what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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