Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
