All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
