Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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