there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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