you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
