why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
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