i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
