Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
