Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
