I need to stop coming to work sober
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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