I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Sorry my hands just texted you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
soo... how was my night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
